Down the Rabbit Hole...
One sunny day a couple summers ago, a friend invited me to play hooky and hang at the winery with some friends for the afternoon. Somehow we got on the topic of OBGYNs, realized that we all saw the same one, and that got us talking mammograms. Since there's a family history of cancer, I had wanted to start mammograms the year I turned 40 instead of waiting until 50, but hadn't made my appointment yet. Now here we are, two years later, with a breast cancer diagnosis. In hindsight, I was right to start that shit early...does that surprise you? ;-)
When I got the abnormal mammogram result, I didn't think much about it since I get abnormal paps back frequently. That was until I felt the lump myself. This felt different than the lump I had last year on the opposite side, almost like a small beer pong ball. A few days later, the tech at the diagnostic ultrasound settled right on the lump in less than five seconds and asked if I knew it was there. I didn't until the mammogram. The radiologist came in after reading the results, said it was suspicious and he was recommending a biopsy.
Down the rabbit hole I went. (Because that clearly looks like something I would wear...) Researching everything I could about breast cancer, current treatments, survival rates, etc. Lots of promising stuff out there to put your mind at ease. Survival rates for most breast cancers are 91 - 93% stage 0 - III, depending on which site you're on. Treatments include targeted chemo and radiation and, of course, many types of surgeries. I came across all the horror stories of the journey as well as their fabulous next chapters. I wanted to stop Googling, but I couldn't.
I was pretty anxious in the days leading up to the biopsy knowing it was BIRADS 4, but I really wanted the letter that went with that score. The doctor doing my biopsy was super hesitant and said typically they just score it as 4 to recommend biopsy. I explained very calmly that I needed to prepare for the worst and hope for the best. He complied, stratified it as 4c, and said he wasn't quite confident enough to give it a BIRADS 5 (>95%). Believe it or not, this was probably the best thing he could have done. I was way more prepared when I actually read the result. I even named her Wilma.
With all the issues with my right breast at the end of 2020 into March 2021, I hadn't been watching the left. They all said "did you know this was here?" and I didn't. Not until it was pointed out on my mammogram. Side note: I partly blame Rhys for this part because shouldn't he have been responsible to notice that? I mean, you don't see my rubbing my boobs myself! LOL
Since the initial diagnosis, they did some further testing and found that it's also triple negative. This means that I don't have hormone receptors (ER/PR) or HER2 proteins so that gives me one treatment option: systemic chemotherapy and then surgery. If you want more info on this crazy subform, click here. You'll agree that Wilma's a real asshole. My oncologists' plan includes 16 rounds of chemo in six months, five different chemo drugs, a year of immunotherapy, surgery/reconstruction, then more chemo after to make sure we got it all. Since this type of breast cancer likes to show up in the ovaries next, we'll be bidding adieu to the downstairs as well.
Recent rollercoaster:
November 16, 2021 – abnormal mammogram
November 19, 2021 – diagnostic ultrasound - BIRADS score 4 (suspicious abnormality)
December 2, 2021 – biopsy; stratified as 4c (50% - 95% likelihood of cancer)
December 7, 2021 – invasive ductal carcinoma; grade 3, stage IIB
December 8, 2021 – meet breast surgeon and get lots of options
December 15, 2021 – ER/PR, HER testing comes back as triple negative breast cancer
December 17, 2021 – meet oncologist and get far fewer options
December 26, 2022 – genetics come back and I'm negative for all nine gene mutations
December 29, 2021 – PET scan
Some days, I want to talk about this and other days, I'm trying really hard to avoid it because it's the only thing on my mind and I'm fairly certain I'm going crazy. A couple people suggested Facebook posts or a private group, but you know my husband is a little extra, so he just spun up a hosted site for me real quick...from his phone...on the couch. Instead of feeling obligated to respond immediately to every text from my fantastic support system (shout out!), I'm going to update here so that you can see what's going on and I won't want to throat punch myself for procrastinating to respond if I'm tired or don't feel well. In other words, this is my lame attempt to control something in my life right now :-)
And now - where I wish I was instead of where I am!
